Best Friends [its a promise not a label]

I don’t know what happened.
But I do know that-
We aren’t like how we used to be
I feel there is something between us
A wall-
We aren’t like the best friends we used to be
I miss that
It’s a promise not a label but why do I feel like
-one of us broke the promise?
Im really sad
This shouldn’t be happening
But I don’t know how to fix this mistake
No matter who made it
I don’t understand either
Is it because of the new students?
That you’ve been further from me?
We don’t have a lot to talk about now
The other day u went looking for him
And left me in the library
All that seems to be on your mind lately is him
I know may seem like that lately
but its just on [a]im
I confess part of what I feel is jealousy
But
I had always thought, friends before boys
Its ok
I might be looking at this from the wrong direction
Its ok
I don’t need you to clarify
All I want is for us to be like how it used to be
Inseperable best friends
I don’t see you often now
You are always talking so happily with some other person
Me forced to be talking to the others as well
When you look at me, it feels like you have a barrier in your mind
I can’t tell what ur thinking
When you smile at me
Im offended
Because
You are smiling your fake smile.
I can tell
And that makes me sad
What im trying to say is not your happiness that bothers me
Its just that
I don’t seem to be the one and only
You have no need of me
Because
There is always someone else to take my place
Im not special
I realize that
Because
I don’t have any special skills to show off
Im just the person that criticizes you
And the person who understands you. Second best
Im the person who is not really the only random person
Because
There will always be someone better than me
Am I still your best friend?
Or am I now a friend in the hallway you say hi to?
Maybe
I shouldn’t do all this anymore
And what you want to tell me
Is that
Maybe im too attached
I think
I should just back off and give you more room now
I just hope you remember that for me
A best friend is always a best friend
No matter what happens
Because-
my fucked up ‘loyalty
keeps me from finding a better you
just because
I really cant
Even if I weren’t so loyal
You’ve been a great friend
I hope to see you soon
The real you, that is.

-Tainted

ps: i wrote this on the morning of 9/18 on the bus
the facts may be slightly changed by now.
the whole thing may have changed
but i want u to know what i thought. cuz its all about my thoughts here.

Photoshop

My Photoshop Masterpieces~!
lol
yea
today, ive been on an icon and desktop making spree
it was pretty fun
XD
using all my new brushes and fonts.
too bad my winrar stopped working in the middle
otherwise
im sure i could have made more today
= =
aish
owellz
better luck tomorrow~
-Tainted

gah..im not awake
seriously
stupid typhoon
why didnt it come earlier!?
= =
stupid stupid freaking *mumbles*
anyways
im on an icon making spree lately
found a great site to download brushes and fonts
dirt2.com
..
i think
= =
gah
im so bored
finished my hw for monday
gonna go work on tuesday's in a while
*sigh*
stupid typhoon
= =
MONDAY!!!
ENGLISH WITH MY BRO
FREE FOR STALKING RANDOM PPL
PE FIRST AID WITH HIM!!
XD
lol
see? im hi-
that means im awake
...
somewhat
= =
anyways
gonna update later...sometime...with the links to my pics.
-Tainted

OMGD!!

lol
got it from this GD-Dictionairy on bigbangkorean.wordpress.com
XD
its so adorable~
lol
anyways
new year
several new students = =
dont even know them all anymore
sort of a sad change, but hey-
thats the way it is.
two new kids joined our group of otakus
and since we are all in 9th grade,
some of the ppl in our grade went to the Animanga meeting this week
XD
it was cool
so now, we have more otakus in our group XD
lmao
so there is this kid in our group. lets call him...
damn. what should he be called?
yea- lets call him 'A'
and lets call the person who likes him 'B'
lets say that 'A' was jealous at me,
so she vented her anger on 'E'
and then here is my best friend 'C'
and the person she likes 'D'

so heres the story:
i want to become good friends with 'A' but 'B' likes him.
its hard to do that, because 'B' gets jealous easily
yesterday, i was just walking in the hallways with 'A'
and then 'B' came in later saying how jealous she was.
what the hell.
look.
the thing that is really annoying is that
she knows 'C' likes 'D'
yet she is closer to 'D' than 'C'
and 'C' is being a good friend by suppressing her emotions
-a round of applause for her-
so what is her point!?
just because she likes 'A' doesnt mean she owns him.
we are just friends either way.
and there is seriously no point in getting angry at 'E'
now 'E' is all angry and avoiding you. and what?
you come to me about your problems?
just apologize and stop dwelling in your stupid mistake, ok?
and you know im loyal to my sweety~ XD
so don't start complaining about your jealousness every single second
just cuz you saw me walking in the hallways with him, k?
and god. you even cried?
pathetic.
-Tainted
[i think my mood is spoiled...= =]