Well, obviously things didn't go well. It's life. Didn't expect it to, anyways.
But the truth still sorta hurt. even though i try to be strong, theres an ache when I think about it.
Thanks to jackie and josie for being so supportive and understanding.
Thanks to everyone else who gave me support!! Much appreciated to know that this world isnt a complete shithole--tehe [from sweeney todd], there are still pieces of heaven fallen from the sky out there ^^
so thats the end of another failed fairy tale.
wonder when the next one will come out?
tomorrow? next week? month? year?
its roulette, baby.
-Tainted
maybe i should write a story about all this Oo hmm....what do you think? post it as fanfiction format and change all the character. ._. wow. that sounds crazy and great at the same time XD
Dec 16, 2008
Nov 6, 2008
Happy Birthday, anyone?
I have such great friends. I really love you guys.
Thank you so much for making my birthday a truly happy one in years.
I am suprised by the number of people who said happy birthday to me.
I'm really glad I made so many wonderful friends this year.
I will cherish these memories forever.
I really love all your gifts~ ;) but thats not it
friendship really means a lot to me- because of me being a dog[even tho i seem more like a cat] and an only child
I am so happy to be able to have friends like you.
Here's a shoutout to all my friends:
Josephine:thanks for being my best friend and sticking with me no matter how emo or bitchy i become.
Jackie:lol@ur randomness. hope ur luv life goes smoothly no matter what other ppl say about it...including me. ._.
Teddy bear:gee- thanks for being my first bro. XD gave me lotsa support. i wish i had a real brother like u XD but unfortunately i dont, so thanks for being there.
Kevin:hehe. even tho ur annoying and sick as hell, i cant help but be glad i asked u to be my second bro...even tho ur still not as nice as teddy but haha.thanks.
Emily:you have been my friend since the first day i came here. i must thank you for making me happy and see things from a brighter light. ur like my mom XD hahahaha jkjk. thanks for helping me and being there all these years. geez. i feel old.
Sydney:thanks. ur so hyper no matter what. so thanks for making my day bright.
Pearl:even tho ur here, ur still so cute. >w< and hyper. i appreciate it.XD
Sonnia:ur cool. love ur piano skillz. wonder if u can be my teacher. even tho the year just started, ur a great friend. yay for free/pe buddies~~ XD oh yea. i dont hav pierced ears....but owell XD i dont hafta hav earrings, but thanks for buying it anyways. its the thought that counts, right? ^^
Paul:wow. i cant believe im writing this...even tho u wont see it...i think not. but still. thanks for remembering my birthday and keeping ur promise. means a lot to me ^^
aah i needa hurry with this. so sleepy. 40 min. till the end of my birthday. so at that note, i will end my post. luv u all~<3
-Tainted
Thank you so much for making my birthday a truly happy one in years.
I am suprised by the number of people who said happy birthday to me.
I'm really glad I made so many wonderful friends this year.
I will cherish these memories forever.
I really love all your gifts~ ;) but thats not it
friendship really means a lot to me- because of me being a dog[even tho i seem more like a cat] and an only child
I am so happy to be able to have friends like you.
Here's a shoutout to all my friends:
Josephine:thanks for being my best friend and sticking with me no matter how emo or bitchy i become.
Jackie:lol@ur randomness. hope ur luv life goes smoothly no matter what other ppl say about it...including me. ._.
Teddy bear:gee- thanks for being my first bro. XD gave me lotsa support. i wish i had a real brother like u XD but unfortunately i dont, so thanks for being there.
Kevin:hehe. even tho ur annoying and sick as hell, i cant help but be glad i asked u to be my second bro...even tho ur still not as nice as teddy but haha.thanks.
Emily:you have been my friend since the first day i came here. i must thank you for making me happy and see things from a brighter light. ur like my mom XD hahahaha jkjk. thanks for helping me and being there all these years. geez. i feel old.
Sydney:thanks. ur so hyper no matter what. so thanks for making my day bright.
Pearl:even tho ur here, ur still so cute. >w< and hyper. i appreciate it.XD
Sonnia:ur cool. love ur piano skillz. wonder if u can be my teacher. even tho the year just started, ur a great friend. yay for free/pe buddies~~ XD oh yea. i dont hav pierced ears....but owell XD i dont hafta hav earrings, but thanks for buying it anyways. its the thought that counts, right? ^^
Paul:wow. i cant believe im writing this...even tho u wont see it...i think not. but still. thanks for remembering my birthday and keeping ur promise. means a lot to me ^^
aah i needa hurry with this. so sleepy. 40 min. till the end of my birthday. so at that note, i will end my post. luv u all~<3
-Tainted
Oct 31, 2008
Hana ni Arashi
"when the flower blooms, the storm comes over"
for the first time in my life. reality hits me harder than ever
i realize now...larger than life that-
i don't really belong anywhere.
it has become a pattern that-
i welcome a new friend into our circle.
at first im their closest friend
and slowly, they are more and more distant
and i see them somewhere else
only talking to say 'hi'
now..i think i might as well say 'bye' because i don't really belong anywhere.
not in the states, not here. because my best friend is taken and gone elsewhere.
so I ask you. where am I in this picture?
and the old memories pierce my heart.
Everything seemed too good to be real.
and I was right.
i feel as if there is no deep relationship between my friends and I except to rant on someone.
its all just surface feelings.
which brings me to my new discussion topic.
miss A and mister B? together?
ew.
seriously...
too old, too young, too quick, too inexperienced, too player, too flirty, too revengeful. those apply to either one or the other of this pairing. am i right or what?
-Tainted
oh god i sound so emo. lalalalalaa. but seriously. if you were me, u'd feel that way too.
for the first time in my life. reality hits me harder than ever
i realize now...larger than life that-
i don't really belong anywhere.
it has become a pattern that-
i welcome a new friend into our circle.
at first im their closest friend
and slowly, they are more and more distant
and i see them somewhere else
only talking to say 'hi'
now..i think i might as well say 'bye' because i don't really belong anywhere.
not in the states, not here. because my best friend is taken and gone elsewhere.
so I ask you. where am I in this picture?
and the old memories pierce my heart.
Everything seemed too good to be real.
and I was right.
i feel as if there is no deep relationship between my friends and I except to rant on someone.
its all just surface feelings.
which brings me to my new discussion topic.
miss A and mister B? together?
ew.
seriously...
too old, too young, too quick, too inexperienced, too player, too flirty, too revengeful. those apply to either one or the other of this pairing. am i right or what?
-Tainted
oh god i sound so emo. lalalalalaa. but seriously. if you were me, u'd feel that way too.
Oct 16, 2008
mmm..nonono
you got it all wrong, dear.
thats wat i mean
im ignored
you didnt even mention the part above. or are you avoiding it?
im not trying to pick a fight
but im just saying...people leave out things..and that makes things different
who said i was talking about you, anyway?
im talking about everyone cept for pearl and kev.
no..im sure im not assuming im being ignored
ur assuming that im assuming that i am being ignored
how funny is that?
because i KNOW im being ignored...
not necessarily intentional...
but that says a lot about my impact on everyone else's lives.
and no thanks
i dont need ur apology.
but thanks anyways.
dont always assume im talking about you here. ^^ just to lighten things.
oh yea.
i said that i know how it feels..blah blah blah...as a response to your statement before during the friday we stayed after to watch the sports.
of course i know you know how it feels.
thats cuz i remember what you say, cuz i always listen closely. ^^
-Tainted
thats wat i mean
im ignored
you didnt even mention the part above. or are you avoiding it?
im not trying to pick a fight
but im just saying...people leave out things..and that makes things different
who said i was talking about you, anyway?
im talking about everyone cept for pearl and kev.
no..im sure im not assuming im being ignored
ur assuming that im assuming that i am being ignored
how funny is that?
because i KNOW im being ignored...
not necessarily intentional...
but that says a lot about my impact on everyone else's lives.
and no thanks
i dont need ur apology.
but thanks anyways.
dont always assume im talking about you here. ^^ just to lighten things.
oh yea.
i said that i know how it feels..blah blah blah...as a response to your statement before during the friday we stayed after to watch the sports.
of course i know you know how it feels.
thats cuz i remember what you say, cuz i always listen closely. ^^
-Tainted
Nobody's Listening-Linkin Park
(Tried to give you warning but everyone ignores me)
Told you everything loud and clear
(But nobody’s listening)
(Called to you so clearly but you
don’t want to hear me)
Told you everything loud and clear
(But nobody’s listening)
I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress
Head full of anger, held in my chest
And everything left’s a waste of time
I hate my rhymes, but hate everyone else’s more
I’m riding on the back of this pressure
Guessing that it’s better I
can’t keep myself together
Because all of this stress gave
me something to write on
The pain gave me something I could set my sights on
Never forget the blood sweat and tears
The uphill struggle over years the fear and
Trash talking and the people it was to
And the people that started it just like you
these are part of the lyrics of Nobody's Listening-Linkin Park
...
if anyone actually gets why i suddenly posted lyrics from Linkin Parks latest album...
then good for you.
you actually pay attention.
For those unfortunate souls that miss me,
the answer is in those lyrics right there.
i actually understand how good it feels like to say 'bye..im going'
and actually have someone respond.
or how happy you feel when someone cares about you.
and when you suddenly walk away, and ask-
'where are you going?'
im not really there, am i?
thank you, to pearl and kevin for being such good friends~ ^^
although sometimes i dont know what to think about you guys. = =
-Tainted
Told you everything loud and clear
(But nobody’s listening)
(Called to you so clearly but you
don’t want to hear me)
Told you everything loud and clear
(But nobody’s listening)
I got a heart full of pain, head full of stress
Head full of anger, held in my chest
And everything left’s a waste of time
I hate my rhymes, but hate everyone else’s more
I’m riding on the back of this pressure
Guessing that it’s better I
can’t keep myself together
Because all of this stress gave
me something to write on
The pain gave me something I could set my sights on
Never forget the blood sweat and tears
The uphill struggle over years the fear and
Trash talking and the people it was to
And the people that started it just like you
these are part of the lyrics of Nobody's Listening-Linkin Park
...
if anyone actually gets why i suddenly posted lyrics from Linkin Parks latest album...
then good for you.
you actually pay attention.
For those unfortunate souls that miss me,
the answer is in those lyrics right there.
i actually understand how good it feels like to say 'bye..im going'
and actually have someone respond.
or how happy you feel when someone cares about you.
and when you suddenly walk away, and ask-
'where are you going?'
im not really there, am i?
thank you, to pearl and kevin for being such good friends~ ^^
although sometimes i dont know what to think about you guys. = =
-Tainted
Oct 11, 2008
im ur # 1
♪boy i love your style, love your smile
wish that you can be only mine, be only mine
i can’t let it go, i don’t know what you’ve doing to me
ooh you’re so fine, ooh you’re so fine♪
Yea. i really hate it when i cant get over someone. i mean, really. its depressing. anyways
thats part of the lyrics to Big Bang's newest title song in Japan. Number 1.
Big Bang Fighting!!
lol
that was a short post. i know i havent been posting often but i will! just on project spazz right now. @-@ gah overwhelmed by projects. = =
-Tainted
wish that you can be only mine, be only mine
i can’t let it go, i don’t know what you’ve doing to me
ooh you’re so fine, ooh you’re so fine♪
Yea. i really hate it when i cant get over someone. i mean, really. its depressing. anyways
thats part of the lyrics to Big Bang's newest title song in Japan. Number 1.
Big Bang Fighting!!
lol
that was a short post. i know i havent been posting often but i will! just on project spazz right now. @-@ gah overwhelmed by projects. = =
-Tainted
Sep 17, 2008
Best Friends [its a promise not a label]
I don’t know what happened.
But I do know that-
We aren’t like how we used to be
I feel there is something between us
A wall-
We aren’t like the best friends we used to be
I miss that
It’s a promise not a label but why do I feel like
-one of us broke the promise?
Im really sad
This shouldn’t be happening
But I don’t know how to fix this mistake
No matter who made it
I don’t understand either
Is it because of the new students?
That you’ve been further from me?
We don’t have a lot to talk about now
The other day u went looking for him
And left me in the library
All that seems to be on your mind lately is him
I know may seem like that lately
but its just on [a]im
I confess part of what I feel is jealousy
But
I had always thought, friends before boys
Its ok
I might be looking at this from the wrong direction
Its ok
I don’t need you to clarify
All I want is for us to be like how it used to be
Inseperable best friends
I don’t see you often now
You are always talking so happily with some other person
Me forced to be talking to the others as well
When you look at me, it feels like you have a barrier in your mind
I can’t tell what ur thinking
When you smile at me
Im offended
Because
You are smiling your fake smile.
I can tell
And that makes me sad
What im trying to say is not your happiness that bothers me
Its just that
I don’t seem to be the one and only
You have no need of me
Because
There is always someone else to take my place
Im not special
I realize that
Because
I don’t have any special skills to show off
Im just the person that criticizes you
And the person who understands you. Second best
Im the person who is not really the only random person
Because
There will always be someone better than me
Am I still your best friend?
Or am I now a friend in the hallway you say hi to?
Maybe
I shouldn’t do all this anymore
And what you want to tell me
Is that
Maybe im too attached
I think
I should just back off and give you more room now
I just hope you remember that for me
A best friend is always a best friend
No matter what happens
Because-
my fucked up ‘loyalty
keeps me from finding a better you
just because
I really cant
Even if I weren’t so loyal
You’ve been a great friend
I hope to see you soon
The real you, that is.
-Tainted
ps: i wrote this on the morning of 9/18 on the bus
the facts may be slightly changed by now.
the whole thing may have changed
but i want u to know what i thought. cuz its all about my thoughts here.
But I do know that-
We aren’t like how we used to be
I feel there is something between us
A wall-
We aren’t like the best friends we used to be
I miss that
It’s a promise not a label but why do I feel like
-one of us broke the promise?
Im really sad
This shouldn’t be happening
But I don’t know how to fix this mistake
No matter who made it
I don’t understand either
Is it because of the new students?
That you’ve been further from me?
We don’t have a lot to talk about now
The other day u went looking for him
And left me in the library
All that seems to be on your mind lately is him
I know may seem like that lately
but its just on [a]im
I confess part of what I feel is jealousy
But
I had always thought, friends before boys
Its ok
I might be looking at this from the wrong direction
Its ok
I don’t need you to clarify
All I want is for us to be like how it used to be
Inseperable best friends
I don’t see you often now
You are always talking so happily with some other person
Me forced to be talking to the others as well
When you look at me, it feels like you have a barrier in your mind
I can’t tell what ur thinking
When you smile at me
Im offended
Because
You are smiling your fake smile.
I can tell
And that makes me sad
What im trying to say is not your happiness that bothers me
Its just that
I don’t seem to be the one and only
You have no need of me
Because
There is always someone else to take my place
Im not special
I realize that
Because
I don’t have any special skills to show off
Im just the person that criticizes you
And the person who understands you. Second best
Im the person who is not really the only random person
Because
There will always be someone better than me
Am I still your best friend?
Or am I now a friend in the hallway you say hi to?
Maybe
I shouldn’t do all this anymore
And what you want to tell me
Is that
Maybe im too attached
I think
I should just back off and give you more room now
I just hope you remember that for me
A best friend is always a best friend
No matter what happens
Because-
my fucked up ‘loyalty
keeps me from finding a better you
just because
I really cant
Even if I weren’t so loyal
You’ve been a great friend
I hope to see you soon
The real you, that is.
-Tainted
ps: i wrote this on the morning of 9/18 on the bus
the facts may be slightly changed by now.
the whole thing may have changed
but i want u to know what i thought. cuz its all about my thoughts here.
Sep 13, 2008
Photoshop
My Photoshop Masterpieces~!
lol
yea
today, ive been on an icon and desktop making spree
it was pretty fun
XD
using all my new brushes and fonts.
too bad my winrar stopped working in the middle
otherwise
im sure i could have made more today
= =
aish
owellz
better luck tomorrow~
-Tainted
lol
yea
today, ive been on an icon and desktop making spree
it was pretty fun
XD
using all my new brushes and fonts.
too bad my winrar stopped working in the middle
otherwise
im sure i could have made more today
= =
aish
owellz
better luck tomorrow~
-Tainted
Sep 12, 2008
gah..im not awake
seriously
stupid typhoon
why didnt it come earlier!?
= =
stupid stupid freaking *mumbles*
anyways
im on an icon making spree lately
found a great site to download brushes and fonts
dirt2.com
..
i think
= =
gah
im so bored
finished my hw for monday
gonna go work on tuesday's in a while
*sigh*
stupid typhoon
= =
MONDAY!!!
ENGLISH WITH MY BRO
FREE FOR STALKING RANDOM PPL
PE FIRST AID WITH HIM!!
XD
lol
see? im hi-
that means im awake
...
somewhat
= =
anyways
gonna update later...sometime...with the links to my pics.
-Tainted
seriously
stupid typhoon
why didnt it come earlier!?
= =
stupid stupid freaking *mumbles*
anyways
im on an icon making spree lately
found a great site to download brushes and fonts
dirt2.com
..
i think
= =
gah
im so bored
finished my hw for monday
gonna go work on tuesday's in a while
*sigh*
stupid typhoon
= =
MONDAY!!!
ENGLISH WITH MY BRO
FREE FOR STALKING RANDOM PPL
PE FIRST AID WITH HIM!!
XD
lol
see? im hi-
that means im awake
...
somewhat
= =
anyways
gonna update later...sometime...with the links to my pics.
-Tainted
Sep 5, 2008
OMGD!!
lol
got it from this GD-Dictionairy on bigbangkorean.wordpress.com
XD
its so adorable~
lol
anyways
new year
several new students = =
dont even know them all anymore
sort of a sad change, but hey-
thats the way it is.
two new kids joined our group of otakus
and since we are all in 9th grade,
some of the ppl in our grade went to the Animanga meeting this week
XD
it was cool
so now, we have more otakus in our group XD
lmao
so there is this kid in our group. lets call him...
damn. what should he be called?
yea- lets call him 'A'
and lets call the person who likes him 'B'
lets say that 'A' was jealous at me,
so she vented her anger on 'E'
and then here is my best friend 'C'
and the person she likes 'D'
so heres the story:
i want to become good friends with 'A' but 'B' likes him.
its hard to do that, because 'B' gets jealous easily
yesterday, i was just walking in the hallways with 'A'
and then 'B' came in later saying how jealous she was.
what the hell.
look.
the thing that is really annoying is that
she knows 'C' likes 'D'
yet she is closer to 'D' than 'C'
and 'C' is being a good friend by suppressing her emotions
-a round of applause for her-
so what is her point!?
just because she likes 'A' doesnt mean she owns him.
we are just friends either way.
and there is seriously no point in getting angry at 'E'
now 'E' is all angry and avoiding you. and what?
you come to me about your problems?
just apologize and stop dwelling in your stupid mistake, ok?
and you know im loyal to my sweety~ XD
so don't start complaining about your jealousness every single second
just cuz you saw me walking in the hallways with him, k?
and god. you even cried?
pathetic.
-Tainted
[i think my mood is spoiled...= =]
got it from this GD-Dictionairy on bigbangkorean.wordpress.com
XD
its so adorable~
lol
anyways
new year
several new students = =
dont even know them all anymore
sort of a sad change, but hey-
thats the way it is.
two new kids joined our group of otakus
and since we are all in 9th grade,
some of the ppl in our grade went to the Animanga meeting this week
XD
it was cool
so now, we have more otakus in our group XD
lmao
so there is this kid in our group. lets call him...
damn. what should he be called?
yea- lets call him 'A'
and lets call the person who likes him 'B'
lets say that 'A' was jealous at me,
so she vented her anger on 'E'
and then here is my best friend 'C'
and the person she likes 'D'
so heres the story:
i want to become good friends with 'A' but 'B' likes him.
its hard to do that, because 'B' gets jealous easily
yesterday, i was just walking in the hallways with 'A'
and then 'B' came in later saying how jealous she was.
what the hell.
look.
the thing that is really annoying is that
she knows 'C' likes 'D'
yet she is closer to 'D' than 'C'
and 'C' is being a good friend by suppressing her emotions
-a round of applause for her-
so what is her point!?
just because she likes 'A' doesnt mean she owns him.
we are just friends either way.
and there is seriously no point in getting angry at 'E'
now 'E' is all angry and avoiding you. and what?
you come to me about your problems?
just apologize and stop dwelling in your stupid mistake, ok?
and you know im loyal to my sweety~ XD
so don't start complaining about your jealousness every single second
just cuz you saw me walking in the hallways with him, k?
and god. you even cried?
pathetic.
-Tainted
[i think my mood is spoiled...= =]
Jul 4, 2008
hey, you
yes, you, smile
i have made the comments free for everyone to sign
why dont you comment already?
wtv
either way
i hope you are enjoying your summer so far
life is boooring here
no cute guys,
but i showed enya your yearbook picture
[i told her lots about you]
and im meeting her bf~!
Take the Dating Profile Quiz at Would I Date You
hmm....i forgot what i was going to say...= =
oh, and youd better read that manga! or else~!!!!
im bored *yawn*
-Tainted
yes, you, smile
i have made the comments free for everyone to sign
why dont you comment already?
wtv
either way
i hope you are enjoying your summer so far
life is boooring here
no cute guys,
but i showed enya your yearbook picture
[i told her lots about you]
and im meeting her bf~!
| Your dating personality profile: Stylish - You do not lack for fashion sense. Style matters. You wouldn't want to be seen with someone who doesn't care about his appearance. Shy - You are often timid around others, though you will open up when the right person comes along. Sensual - You are not particularly shy when it comes to your sexuality. You know what you like and do not feel inhibited. | Your Top Ten Traits 1. Stylish 2. Shy 3. Sensual 4. Conservative 5. Practical 6. Wealthy/Ambitious 7. Traditional 8. Adventurous 9. Funny 10. Intellectual |
| Your date match profile: Stylish - You cannot put up with someone who is lacking in style. You want an original, someone with flare, someone with good taste. Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If his jokes make you laugh, he has won your heart. Wealthy/Ambitious - You seek someone with goals, someone to whom success is important. You would like for this person to open up new experiences and opportunities for you. | Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Stylish 2. Funny 3. Wealthy/Ambitious 4. Athletic 5. Traditional 6. Adventurous 7. Outgoing 8. Sensual 9. Practical 10. Romantic |
Take the Dating Profile Quiz at Would I Date You
hmm....i forgot what i was going to say...= =
oh, and youd better read that manga! or else~!!!!
im bored *yawn*
-Tainted
Jun 10, 2008
ohemgee!!!
im so sorry smile!!!
i havent updated in AAAAGES!!!!!!!!!! anywho, i told you the link already, but i will repost it here for others to see.....*ahem*
It is...THE LAST DAY'S FLOOR PARTY[and more...!]
im so sorry smile!!!
i havent updated in AAAAGES!!!!!!!!!! anywho, i told you the link already, but i will repost it here for others to see.....*ahem*
password is the same as last time's~
btw, there are some new things i would like to update.
thanks to smile, i have taken a disorder test and i would proudly declare that i am mostly, normal...
btw, smile, you shouldnt kill yourself for the world, the world dont deserve your life do it?[bad grammar on purpose!]
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | Low |
| Schizoid: | Low |
| Schizotypal: | Very High |
| Antisocial: | High |
| Borderline: | Moderate |
| Histrionic: | High |
| Narcissistic: | High |
| Avoidant: | High |
| Dependent: | High |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | High |
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information -- | |
-Tainted
enjoy life while youz haz it!
Jun 5, 2008
hey smile~
got a present 4 u~!!!
sorry there were a lot of 'other' people....cuz we were inside most of the time, and roxas was swimming *shrugs*
hope you have fun in the states even if it is only for buisiness~
btw//do you have winzip or rar?
i would like to send you the zipped version of the pics..if not, just go to the following links~
i labled the folder ACC....the link is below
ACC trip
[pass:taintedpure13]
tomorrow is the floor party...im going to do the same thing k? ^^ only moar stalker pic!!! XDD jkjk.
REPORTS ON THE DISTURBING EVENTS THAT HAPPENED THE DAY WE WENT TO ACC:
ok, so during lunch, this guy[probably the manager] came in to the games room, and saw that most of the people were eating in there...Now this guy is extremely old looking....but his chest was super macho, but the horrible thing is that he was short...and his body dimension was like an upside-down triangle XD lmao--
anywho, the disturbing guy came in and chased us all out, he had a horrible attitude, by the by. But the worst of all, is that he acts gay. Now no offense to those who think they are gay, but this guy...really...really acts gay.
When he walks, he does so in a womanly way..*ahem*...and when he came in to clean up the remaining abandoned trash, he picks them up daintily with a pinky sticking out...= = how horrible can the image get?
updates on the floor party later...if there is anything new....
-Tainted
got a present 4 u~!!!
sorry there were a lot of 'other' people....cuz we were inside most of the time, and roxas was swimming *shrugs*
hope you have fun in the states even if it is only for buisiness~
btw//do you have winzip or rar?
i would like to send you the zipped version of the pics..if not, just go to the following links~
i labled the folder ACC....the link is below
[pass:taintedpure13]
tomorrow is the floor party...im going to do the same thing k? ^^ only moar stalker pic!!! XDD jkjk.
REPORTS ON THE DISTURBING EVENTS THAT HAPPENED THE DAY WE WENT TO ACC:
ok, so during lunch, this guy[probably the manager] came in to the games room, and saw that most of the people were eating in there...Now this guy is extremely old looking....but his chest was super macho, but the horrible thing is that he was short...and his body dimension was like an upside-down triangle XD lmao--
anywho, the disturbing guy came in and chased us all out, he had a horrible attitude, by the by. But the worst of all, is that he acts gay. Now no offense to those who think they are gay, but this guy...really...really acts gay.
When he walks, he does so in a womanly way..*ahem*...and when he came in to clean up the remaining abandoned trash, he picks them up daintily with a pinky sticking out...= = how horrible can the image get?
updates on the floor party later...if there is anything new....
-Tainted
Jan 31, 2008
Soul
...its been quite a while since that day, but i still want to say this...to record it in a flawless memory...he replied to one of my offline messages that day...he's been busy...im so happy...even if it is just one sentence. i am glad he hasn't forgotten me...the other him is leaving too...he just visited for around a month...he told me yesterday. he is leaving this sunday...owellz...had a feeling anyways, i wont bother to break my heart again...its the emptiness i fear...the other day, i was bored so i checked my email...the question stumped me...what do you fear? i couldnt think of anything at that time...but now, i realize...it is this loneliness i fear. i am afraid of being forgotten..i wish to stay in everyone's memory for a lifetime...nobody remembers who i am....or some dont even know me...i still feel empty...but he has regained me some of my emotions...i chatted with...haha...how many hims will i ever talk about? this is my ex-crush...last year...the incident id rather forget...its so sad...he said that i was better off with him...but....too bad he left for korea early....he knew this for a long time...its...sad....my life...does god not want me to be happy? maybe he sees this darkness inside me, and is trying to stop my plans....what a genius...party pooper....im sad.....so empty...my sarcasm...is lame and what now? nobody cares to know me...i am just a face in the hallway.
Jan 25, 2008
Realization
ok...ok...i get it. haha. i am just....there...right? i dont really exist in your world...right? i can comment on yours. you ignore mine. i try to make you happy. you just consume that feeling. i can be such a great actor...lying to everyone...pretending to be happy when i am just a deep black hole..i know i wrote a lot today. but i just forgot to add something to the previous post. i am tired....used.....
such a sensitive little bitch. just because he reminds you of someone that was mean to you before does not give you the right to draw attention to youself. its just one of your little schemes eh? to. cry...in front of the class..make people worry....other's have had worse you selfish pig. have you ever felt, that everyone hates you? nobody is on your side? they all just lost they pity for humanity and teamed up against you? i doubt it. youve had too good a life to feel that. always popular. no wonder your spoiled. and how many fucking times do i have to tell you, im not 'rich' my family just barely makes it past...my 'dear' father spends all his money on buying expensive watches that nobody will ever wear or can even be passed down. who the hell changes watches that look the same?!
i hate it......i hate how you have fucking messed up my life....i can never get the attention, you spoiled yourself. being so uptight...not even letting people have thier way. i can list a bunch of reasons why i hate you. you want it? i bet you do. you just cant wait to find a reason to hate me.
-you copy my homework
-you beg for help when you treat others badly
-you cut and is very competitive
-you swear in public without shame..even at minute things. like 'screw you' for some little thing i did.
-you use people, make them buy you things
-you want all the attention to yourself
-you treat others rough but do not allow others to treat you the same way
-selfish...
-repeating yourself..i hate that.
so far. i can only think of those. i wonder what other mistakes you can make.
such a sensitive little bitch. just because he reminds you of someone that was mean to you before does not give you the right to draw attention to youself. its just one of your little schemes eh? to. cry...in front of the class..make people worry....other's have had worse you selfish pig. have you ever felt, that everyone hates you? nobody is on your side? they all just lost they pity for humanity and teamed up against you? i doubt it. youve had too good a life to feel that. always popular. no wonder your spoiled. and how many fucking times do i have to tell you, im not 'rich' my family just barely makes it past...my 'dear' father spends all his money on buying expensive watches that nobody will ever wear or can even be passed down. who the hell changes watches that look the same?!
i hate it......i hate how you have fucking messed up my life....i can never get the attention, you spoiled yourself. being so uptight...not even letting people have thier way. i can list a bunch of reasons why i hate you. you want it? i bet you do. you just cant wait to find a reason to hate me.
-you copy my homework
-you beg for help when you treat others badly
-you cut and is very competitive
-you swear in public without shame..even at minute things. like 'screw you' for some little thing i did.
-you use people, make them buy you things
-you want all the attention to yourself
-you treat others rough but do not allow others to treat you the same way
-selfish...
-repeating yourself..i hate that.
so far. i can only think of those. i wonder what other mistakes you can make.
Insanity
have you ever talked to yourself? and had someone overhear? they look at you weird and you feel embarassed. its the talking to myself part that i can totally relate to...i dont care to think anyone would ever read this. therefore, it shall become the diary of my deepest thoughts.....but sooner or later, someone will discover all of my feelings and turn it against me. but what do i have to lose? i still feel useless..no matter what happens. i hate it. please. i hope my someone will come sooner and save me from this endless pit of despair.
i feel so sad....the feeling is so deep, i cannot find a fitting word...a dull pain in my chest. today, a major mood swing at school today... if only they knew. my past. so horrible. unjust bullying. cannot compare to anything they have ever felt. i.....am at loss for words. please. i am crying silent tears...but they are really not there. my pain....i cannot cry...save me.
i feel so sad....the feeling is so deep, i cannot find a fitting word...a dull pain in my chest. today, a major mood swing at school today... if only they knew. my past. so horrible. unjust bullying. cannot compare to anything they have ever felt. i.....am at loss for words. please. i am crying silent tears...but they are really not there. my pain....i cannot cry...save me.
Jan 23, 2008
Empty
<= i want to be like them...to sing..and to travel...if only i could......last night, i realized that i was just an empty shell. all of my tears cried dry. when i thought of all the sad things in my life, i couldnt even shed a tear. but there was this ache in my chest i couldnt ignore. it hurt so much to think...and i couldnt find the note he gave me...the one with 'when you need me by your side, remember that this note will be there' haha. he changed the words from 'when you need someone by your side, remember that i will be there' but since he couldnt, he just had to be cute and change it. haa....cant even laugh now....what is with me. when i am with my friends, i feel happy, but once i am left on my own accord, this mask falls over my face, numbing my emotions...i dont have anything that could give me a future. all of my friends are better off than me because they have something i dont have, skills.........i gave up piano...i gave up ballet, street dancing, and tap dancing....sure, i can draw. but i can never compare it to my friend's...what is this feeling? i am left out...
my friends talk about thier skills and say they are not good enough...i hate it. they just give it up...when they have something so precious....i was thinking of my career...i want to be a fashion designer, model, architect, or even a singer....but.....i gave up all of those skills when i was young. how foolish am i...and now. i want to learn japanese, but haa....how ironic...i gave that up too.
my future is currently a big black hole...a useless puppet who cut its own strings. suicide but not quite. just lost its soul...now an empty shell...looking at the world through glass windows. but does not have the power to do anything...
who am i? i do not even recognize this face in the mirror...i am never completely satisfied with myself...i wonder.....
Jan 20, 2008
Never would have thought..
haha. yea...i know. major mood swings. i am bored...i went to look for more cute pixels today. to add to my collection...that bored. nobody talks to me on msn live messenger. he isnt online...ever....anyways. im being a retard...i honestly need to get over this....T^T meh....at least i updated....so rare...owellz. i. am. so. freaking. bored. at school...nothing to look forward. @_@ meeeh. aish...i have a depressing life. =3=
chinese new year is approaching. not going to go anywhere...hoping to go on a shopping spree with my bf's to xi men ding. yea. thats romanized chinese. im chinese. and i went to school in the states...tmi? maybe. but who cares. looking at the comments, no one is looking at this anyways. owellz. im going to go check out my friends blog now. ttyl~
chinese new year is approaching. not going to go anywhere...hoping to go on a shopping spree with my bf's to xi men ding. yea. thats romanized chinese. im chinese. and i went to school in the states...tmi? maybe. but who cares. looking at the comments, no one is looking at this anyways. owellz. im going to go check out my friends blog now. ttyl~
Jan 18, 2008
Emotionless
I want people to understand that just because I am "acting cold" or ignoring someone, does not mean that I hate them or feel angry. I am too tired to show any emotion and it pisses me off when they just walk away feeling angry without even understanding the whole situation.
I also really hate it when people dont want me to do something, such as talking about DBSK, even when i feel as if i do not talk about them 24/7. but why can they talk about it and brag about it. and share things about them when i cant? they are backstabbers, hypocrytes. and you know who i am talking about. do not just think that everything about you is perfect. you are not. stop repeating yourself like this self crazy moron who has short term memory. it pisses me off when you treat me like one of you popular friends you used to hang out with, who just happen to have amnesia as well, so they do not really care if you repeat the same sentence the whole day like a broken fucking record.
you say,'oh my god' everytime i say,'i want to show you something, its really funny!' why do i have to persuade you to watch it, and you turn away uninterested in the middle, when you have not really seen what i find amusing, and you say to me. that is retarded. and assume that they are all retards not worth your attention. fuck you. show me gazzettE on monday again and i swear, i will make you feel what i feel whenever i want to show you something. yes, i am talking to you. (not you smile eidolon. you dont do that.)
I also really hate it when people dont want me to do something, such as talking about DBSK, even when i feel as if i do not talk about them 24/7. but why can they talk about it and brag about it. and share things about them when i cant? they are backstabbers, hypocrytes. and you know who i am talking about. do not just think that everything about you is perfect. you are not. stop repeating yourself like this self crazy moron who has short term memory. it pisses me off when you treat me like one of you popular friends you used to hang out with, who just happen to have amnesia as well, so they do not really care if you repeat the same sentence the whole day like a broken fucking record.
you say,'oh my god' everytime i say,'i want to show you something, its really funny!' why do i have to persuade you to watch it, and you turn away uninterested in the middle, when you have not really seen what i find amusing, and you say to me. that is retarded. and assume that they are all retards not worth your attention. fuck you. show me gazzettE on monday again and i swear, i will make you feel what i feel whenever i want to show you something. yes, i am talking to you. (not you smile eidolon. you dont do that.)
Jan 8, 2008
I hate my love life
honestly? i dont have one. but it is my goal to try. at least. even when i am too young to have one. oh. go on. laugh at my immaturity. haha. however, i like to consider myself as an evil mastermind. a little like kyouya in Ouran High School. otherwise known as the shadow king. haha. how manipulative. i know i am~ anyways. people sometimes accuse me of being too obvious. i find it annoying how they critiscise me while they themselves have a worse attempt than i. i am actually succeeding. succeeded.....he left for korea because of his dad. owellz. and i was having so much fun.
you will find that over the next few posts, you will realize that i am evil. yes. completely evil. i will proclaim to the world of my insanity and laugh at people who trip over banana peals...and did you notice my randomness? yes. an imperfect aspect of me that i am completely proud of. go on. laugh at my stupidity.
sigh........what an imperfect world. i need to broaden my vocabulary. sigh. such limited words i can use to describe myself and my thoughts.
i will continue this post another day. goodbye for now.
you will find that over the next few posts, you will realize that i am evil. yes. completely evil. i will proclaim to the world of my insanity and laugh at people who trip over banana peals...and did you notice my randomness? yes. an imperfect aspect of me that i am completely proud of. go on. laugh at my stupidity.
sigh........what an imperfect world. i need to broaden my vocabulary. sigh. such limited words i can use to describe myself and my thoughts.
i will continue this post another day. goodbye for now.
Jan 6, 2008
First post~!
yay~ beware of randomness to all of my readers....er. reading this at the current moment. first post. new to me, gonna try to keep this as a routine..(posting often...) anyways. i just want you ppl to know some stuffz about me. im chinese...and proud of it. even though i like the US so much better since i grew up there. *note the perfect english* (im just too lazy to have correct spelling and grammer cuz. wtf. its online anyways. if i have to type properly online as well, the wtf...might as well hang myself right now) ok. so....i really like manga, anime. i know a lot. but just too lazy to list it out. bands i like. eh. definitely DBSK. love the song "Hug" (jae joong looks so hot in the mv) and their dramas..especially "dangerous love" i love the part in the fanfic where jj is against the phone booth. (im a sadist) >D lol. so cute. im ur typical fangirl but i try not to be cuz some fangirls are just plain violent and not nice. (thought im not saying that im not. im not perfect. note the tainted) lol. ok...im rambling. didnt i warn you?
ok.
I LOVE HORROR MOVIES!!! i like screaming. makes me feel refreshed. dunno why lol. i over-react and when im hyper, i talk 100 words per second. just elaborating.
i really really love linkin park....marilyn manson...just not his mv's..the lyrics? love it. anyways....also...hmm wat else...omfg. how could i forget. GACKT. my friend gave me the gackt fan disease *glares at person held responsible*
meh...cough...anyways.....moving on. i love to collect and save 100 by 100 avatars. i have a million of them in my computer. i am a drawing freak. still trying to improve. my other friend. (who is not responsible for passing on the Gackt fan disease) is a great artist. i totally envy her and i am also learning from her.
lalala. i am an evil mastermind. hahaha. watch out....well, only for my classmates. ppl call me emo. i kick them. they deserve to die cuz i hate labels. they are not nice and a person can be more than that. ok..geez. long post. sigh.i would love to have you all comment ^^ and dbsk fans out there, add me as a friend onegaishimas~ ^^ (i speak a little japanese but yea, i know DBSK is a korean boy band. but who the hell cares.)
thats about me. any more questions? love to answer them for u ppl to know more about me. and i will keep u ppl updated on my life, my thoughts and my love.
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