Empty

<= i want to be like them...to sing..and to travel...if only i could...




...last night, i realized that i was just an empty shell. all of my tears cried dry. when i thought of all the sad things in my life, i couldnt even shed a tear. but there was this ache in my chest i couldnt ignore. it hurt so much to think...and i couldnt find the note he gave me...the one with 'when you need me by your side, remember that this note will be there' haha. he changed the words from 'when you need someone by your side, remember that i will be there' but since he couldnt, he just had to be cute and change it. haa....cant even laugh now....what is with me. when i am with my friends, i feel happy, but once i am left on my own accord, this mask falls over my face, numbing my emotions...i dont have anything that could give me a future. all of my friends are better off than me because they have something i dont have, skills.........i gave up piano...i gave up ballet, street dancing, and tap dancing....sure, i can draw. but i can never compare it to my friend's...what is this feeling? i am left out...


my friends talk about thier skills and say they are not good enough...i hate it. they just give it up...when they have something so precious....i was thinking of my career...i want to be a fashion designer, model, architect, or even a singer....but.....i gave up all of those skills when i was young. how foolish am i...and now. i want to learn japanese, but haa....how ironic...i gave that up too.


my future is currently a big black hole...a useless puppet who cut its own strings. suicide but not quite. just lost its soul...now an empty shell...looking at the world through glass windows. but does not have the power to do anything...


who am i? i do not even recognize this face in the mirror...i am never completely satisfied with myself...i wonder.....